Behold the Kickmen

2.5/10 plays tutorial learns skills plays actual game all my skills are gone what do you mean ALL your skills? i cant dodge i cant steal tackle i cant curve the ball when kicking i cant sprint i cant even pass the ball to my teammates they remove your ability to PASS THE BALL!!!!...wtf.... game become a slogfest of walking with the ball.... you unlock them all one at a time you choice of the one every time you win a game at first a rest the game cause i thought by alt tabbing out it broke the controls. once i closed the game would endlessly crash on launch until i reset my pc only just unlocked the last ability from play time. also no local co-op or vs

Really funny game. It's basically a "football" game with a funny story, but the football rules are thrown out of the window and replaced with some absurdity, with circular pitch, offside meaning something entirely different, scoring 2 or 3 pointers if you score from longer distances, and all that funny stuff. You have a team, by winning games you advance to higher leagues, and your goal is to finally beat the best team in the world. You earn money by chaining skills on the pitch to make combos, then scoring a goal to cash in the accumulated value. Between matches you can upgrade your team skills with the earned money. I really recommend it. It's cheap and short (unless you change the number of teams in a league when you start the game), but very entertaining. EDIT. I noticed it only after I completed the game. In the main menu, you can click on the ball icon in the right bottom corner of the screen (above the version number) to change the atmosphere of the game to upbeat music and differently dressed characters. It also adds blood effect when players tackle each other.

Completely worth its price. It is a not-so-serious football game, mostly based on the old FIFA 94 with some wacky upgrades that make it faster and more fun. But I have problems with the game not seeing my controller, and it is a little bit janky to play on keyboard-mouse. Also, it doesn't have any coop. That's a miss oppurtinity. But it is a true hidden gem that is worth discovering!

Some people would say it's the dumbest football game ever made. But I say Behold the Kickmen is the best football game ever made, thanks to it being a parody rather than a simulation, which creates its own identity. Love it!

Maybe one of the most fun arcade sports games ive ever played.

*Behold the Kickmen* *Behold the Kickmen* is a football game made by someone who clearly looked at football once, shrugged, and said, “Yeah, I think I get it.” The result is a chaotic, intentionally wrong sports game that treats the beautiful game like an awkward party game with legs. If *FIFA* is a serious broadcast, *Behold the Kickmen* is a drunk commentator yelling from the couch. Matches are weird, floaty, and unpredictable. Players trip over themselves, passes go nowhere, and goals feel more like happy accidents than skillful plays. That’s the point. The game leans hard into satire with over-the-top commentary and bizarre story moments, making it more about laughing at football than mastering it. Just don’t expect the mechanics to deepen much - once you’ve seen the joke, you’ve mostly seen the game. This is not a competitive sports title. It’s a comedy game that *happens* to involve kicking a ball. Play it in short bursts, preferably when you want something light, silly, and very un-FIFA. ✅ Pros * Genuinely funny if you enjoy absurd, self-aware humor * A refreshing break from hyper-serious sports sims * Easy to pick up zero football knowledge required * Short and cheap…