Fairy Picturebook of Hero and Sorceress / 勇者と魔法使いとおとぎの絵本

A surprising game with a weirdly deep amount of complexity, if you want a game about experimental cooking this one has that. There's other things too and I find the bad English to be endlessly charming.

It's a tongue-in-cheek RPG/gastronomy adventure, featuring a hero and the slave girl they stole/liberated from a cruel slave-trader; roaming the lands, defeating monsters, and then cooking, eating, and critiquing every combination of food ingredients in their fantasy world. Some of you might think I'm silly-writing one of my usual wacky reviews, but nope, not this time. What I have described is a very literal depiction of the game. Also, if you buy the 18+ version of the game on *ahem,* 'other' online retailers, instead of being "tongue-in-cheek," the game becomes "d1ck-in-cheek." Some additional things to note: -The entirety of this game (minus the girl's voice acting), was programmed/drawn/written by, literally, a single dude, so it is hella indie, and can be bizarre in the way that only such games can be. -The English translation for this game was written by someone that isn't quite fluent in English, so the dialogue is hilariously wonky. I have come to terms with this by pretending that the game is set in an alternate universe where I don't quite speak the language. I think there's some sort of joke at the beginning of the game hinting at that kind of setting, as well, but…

The reason that I am [b] not [/b] recommending it is due entirely to the available [b] girl [/b]. Not [b] [i] girls [/i] [/b] mind you, but one and only one that you can play with in an adult manner. The others that you encounter in the game, will only be in your party and that's all. It took me a while to figure this out, but any hentai scenes with the other girls are only available if you [b] buy the DLC for each one individually [/b]. Now I understand why it wasn't mentioned anywhere, if I had known that I would have to spend twice as much on content that should have been included in the game in the first place as I did for the base game itself, I wouldn't have touched it. Before I was completely disappointed by the absolute greed of the developer, I was truly enjoying myself. Now, I'll avoid anything from them like the plague, because I know that there will be some kind of crippleware trap much later in the game.

The concept has some potential, but the UI it's painful, mah I fapped anyways

I literally can't walk [i]two steps[/i] without getting a battle happening which grinds the entire game down to an excruciating crawl. I thought at first the translation was bad on purpose as part of the humor as well as the art style that looks like something a 12 year old doodled in their notebook, but after several minutes in I realised all too much that this wasn't just the author acting lazy or sarcastic on purpose about retro Japanese ported RPGs. And for all the complexities promised they somehow managed to achieve a quantum state of too much stuff to get a handle of, and too little content to be bored to tears. I'd like to request a refund on the time played on this game to see if it was just the first ten minutes of tutorial that were painful before we could get to the real cool sim stuff, but this feels the opposite of a sim game...

i made a 44-star steak