NOOO! MY BODY!

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Squirted blood until I died for science. 10/10

"NOOO! MY BODY!" is one of literally thousands of retro 2D platformers infesting Steam and lowering the average quality of all video games everywhere... and I'm not kidding. Searching for "platformers" on the Steam store page yields over 17,000 results! Is this one of the best of those? Absolutely not. This garbage platformer has you rolling around as a decapitated head... the quality is so bad I'm unsure if this was published on Steam Direct as a joke or if the "developer" genuinely thought this would be something gamers would treat as a serious product (concerning if true). The platforming genre is pretty much obsolete... just a tiny number of professionally developed platformers exist on PC and offer any real value or interest to gamers (Silksong, etc). This is nowhere near being as good as Hollow Knight or Silksong. Even without a price tag, it's easy to see why gamers ignored this in favor of modern, professionally developed 3D games. This is offering nothing new or interesting, so it's easy to see why this failed. It feels like a relic from the late 1990's/early 2000's Adobe Flash era of a gaming. But this has been published on Steam alongside contemporary, cutting ed…

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NOOO! MY BODY! takes a bizarre idea and turns it into a compact 2D platforming adventure built around humor, straightforward challenges, and a protagonist who has a rather serious anatomical problem. Instead of playing as a conventional hero, you control a detached head attempting to reunite with its missing body. That premise immediately establishes the playful tone and gives an otherwise familiar platforming formula a memorable personality. Developed by Bastian Teusch and published by Henry Teusch, it is clearly designed as a small-scale indie experience rather than an ambitious or lengthy platforming epic. The adventure is divided into three primary levels, with the journey eventually leading to a final boss encounter. Running and jumping form the foundation of the gameplay, while enemies and environmental obstacles require enough timing and positioning to keep progression from becoming completely effortless. The mechanics are intentionally uncomplicated, making the game easy to understand almost immediately. This accessibility suits its short format because there is little need for lengthy tutorials or elaborate progression systems. The focus remains on moving forward, survivi…

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