The Bard's Tale ARPG: Remastered and Resnarkled

Thank Paradise for the Gift! TL;DR: A weird comedic RPG game that I watched my cousin play back in the day, that suddenly peaked my curiosity. Summary: So back in 2007, I would met my uncle and cousins for a family visit during the holiday. Then I get to watch them play this game. Which I did not understand. I don't know what about this game so special. So, as a curious player I am, browsing through inXile Library, I happened to find this game. Yeah, so you play as the eponymous Bard, played by the English actor, Cary Elwes. Oh you don't know him? Well you may have known him from Rob Reiner The Princess Bride, Francis Coppola Bram's Stoker Dracula and among other comedic titles. As the Bard, your journey is to rescue a captive Princess (voiced by Jennifer Hale) so she can reward you with s3x. You story is narrated by the unreliable Tony Jay who often mocks your decisions and progress. Gameplay: The game used Snowblind Studios DARK ALLIANCE Engine, that was previously powered Interplay (no offense, but those f@#kers shoulda stayed bankrupt for raising prices on older games, like Monolith SHOGO) Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance (probably should check that game later). You …

It is a console-style action RPG, and the controls were clearly designed with a gamepad in mind. Playing with a keyboard and mouse is extremely uncomfortable. For example, when using a bow I regularly opened a menu by accident instead of firing. So if you have a gamepad, use it from the start. Another piece of console heritage is that you can only save at specific locations. First and foremost, this is a parody of classic RPGs. Usually the main character is a warrior, mage, or rogue. Here, he is a bard, although in practice he combines elements of all three classes. The protagonist is not much of a hero either. He is a shameless opportunist who does everything for his own benefit. The opening scene already tells you everything you need to know: he scares an innkeeper with a rat, then "catches" it himself and collects a reward for getting rid of it. That is more or less how he earns his fame. Sometimes his actions have more serious consequences and cause a small-scale apocalypse for everyone around him. You can talk to some NPCs, but dialogue choices usually come down to two options: be polite or be rude. You never know in advance which one will benefit you more. Sometimes one…

1000th review is a good review, but cholera and dysentery as well as the mumps and a bout of bubonic plague hath prevented a full review. Tis dated, but tis a good play.

fun nostalgic game.

Meh. I would have loved this as a teenager, and I also probably would have enjoyed it a lot more now if I had played it before the remasters of Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance I & II had released on Steam. Given how janky the game can be (holy stun locks, Batman!) I'd rather just go back and replay the Dark Alliance games. I hope you enjoy the game, I'd give it a mixed review if I could.

Top tier game. Love Cary Elwes and Tony Jay together. The summons don't even pretend to be balanced but they are all great fun. The soundtrack is also full of bangers, still got me singing them two decades later!